The need for good youth leadership is in great demand in a time of a pandemic, economic uncertainty and increased crime rates. These and other challenges can create a lot of frustrations for youth leaders. Okay so I have some confessions to make… No it’s not what you’re thinking. It doesn’t involve some kinda scandal or misconduct or stealing money etc. It’s much different. I’ve been in youth work for almost 20 years now. There are times when it can be exhilarating, tiring, exciting, challenging, stagnant, frustrating and satisfying. But in spite of all that, I have some confessions to make in regard to the frustrations. Care to listen?
The first confession is that I get frustrated with some parents who don’t put first things first. Not all parents are like this but some are. I’m talking about the ones who complain the most and have the wrong priorities. They are the ones who are more than happy to spend more on their kids’ entertainment and leisure but barely invest a dime on their spiritual growth. They ignore the verse, “But Seek First His Kingdom And His Righteousness, And All These Things Will Be Given To You As Well.” (Matthew 6:33).
They do not put the first thing first. If you step into their homes, they have over 100’s to 1000’s of dollars spent on video games, sports, movies etc for the kids and complain about the $160 price tag to go to the youth retreat. Give me a break! It’s crazy! Now I’m going to sound like an old man now and I don’t mind because I am one. A lot of the video games these days are costly and unwholesome.
Some parents spend way too much on gratuitous games for the kids. These games are way different to the ones I grew up with. Oh ya, I must confess that as a kid I loved video games. But the games we had were much different. They were two dimensional and pretty innocent like jumping on guppies and chasing mushrooms and climbing vines. Not today! You can simulate shooting and killing people in three dimensions. And the graphics on some of these games are almost life-like that you can barely tell it apart from reality. Can you believe the advances in technology?
An example of the life-likeness was from an old kids movie from over fifteen years ago called, “Finding Nemo.” In the original cut the water scenes were initially considered to be life-like so the animators had to go back and redo it to make it look more like an animated digital cartoon. Since then technology has made so many advances that most video games look all the more like reality. Some of these games rewards you with points and currency to carry out crimes like murder, or auto theft etc. Imagine rewarding sinful activities like these. There are parents willing to pay $1000’s for this kind of filth.
Now, where I live, hockey is like a religion and parents spend an average of $3000. Those costs include $1,200 for registration and ice time, $900 for travel and accommodations and more than $600 for skates and other equipment. It can be higher depending where you live and the level of play. Can you compare that price to the price of a youth retreat?
However, I do make one exception when parents connect their kids with sports ministries that share the gospel. There are plenty of sports ministries and outreach where they incorporate spiritual lessons in the training. I’m all for that and will be more than happy to partner with this kind of spiritual food. Sadly, my experience is that very few parents search out these opportunities. It’s just not a priority and there are repercussions.
These parents invest in the wrong places and reap the consequences later. So, when the kids grow up and fall into different vices, the parents are shocked and surprised. And what for? They say, “Oh, we gave him/her everything. Nice clothes, games, sports, tickets to wrestling, concerts, monster truck rallies, etc…” They somehow believe that spoiling kids is some kind of deal for them to grow up into mature, spiritually strong, contributing members of society. These are the parents who never built a work ethic in their kids nor partner with the youth leader to inspire them to do greater things with their lives. I tell you that I’m not shocked at the outcome by these bad parenting styles and wrong priorities! Who would be surprised?
Then there are those parents who do nothing to stop the spoiled self-entitled attitude in their young ones. They cultivate no spiritual hunger in their youth. As mentioned before, they lavish the kids with all sorts of possessions etc. Their kids expect and demand that us youth leaders entertain them and if we come off as a touch boring, we are cancelled. They will complain, whine, and try to make us feel guilty for being, ‘boring.’
We youth leaders are shocked and are wondering why parents never raise the kids to be more giving, hungry for spiritual things and how they can be so spoiled…? Also, when it comes to the most exciting part of our youth meetings in sharing the Word of God, the youth drift off or complain or get upset. What these kids need is parents who will discipline their spoiled and self-entitled attitudes and follow a bible verse:
“Whoever Spares The Rod Hates His Son, But He Who Loves Him Is Diligent To Discipline Him.” (Proverbs 13:34)
It’s quite frustrating and as we try to understand why parents raise the kids this way, we get some insight that is also disheartening. Someone explained to me that some of the kids are from honor/shame cultures and that the kids carry the ‘honor’ of the family. If they are seen as lavished and spoiled like royalty, it actually brings honor to the family.
They gain a higher standing in the community. I think this is absolutely ridiculous and that these families should go after the things that God honors. And what does God honor? Here are just a few bible verses that should be obeyed:
“Train Up A Child In The Way He Should Go, And When He Is Old He Will Not Depart From It” (Proverbs 22:6)
“The Rod And Reproof Give Wisdom, But A Child Left To Himself Brings Shame To His Mother.” (Proverbs 29:15)
Instead, I wish these parents would invest more into their spiritual walk. Give them a hunger for the Word of God and appreciate the incredible stories and feats of people who have walked with Christ. At the moment I’m trying to inspire our young ones to do something meaningful with their lives, callings and talents. Here we are in the midst of a pandemic. There are many massive global economic repercussions. Alongside that are the wave of mental health challenges and others.
We need our best scientists, economists, counselors and health care professionals etc. to respond to these new, urgent and alarming needs… It’s hard on our young people. They need to know that they can accomplish great feats. They may be the ones who can help respond to this crisis effectively. Who knows if one of our young people will grow up to find a cure for the spread of the diseases and variants we see around the world.
Maybe our youth groups have someone that, with maturity, will know how to respond to the economic downfall experienced by this crisis. Who knows if there is someone here who has an answer to the anxiety, depression and mental health challenges we are facing today. Learning the stories of faith of those who walked with God can be a huge inspiration and provide vision, motivation, encouragement, for our young people to tackle these challenges.
This is what us youth leaders live for! We youth leaders are looking for parents to partner with us to make these aspirations a reality. I’m sure many parents do too… Will you parents invest your hard-earned money and partner with us to bring the best out of you children? It’s really frustrating when this isn’t happening.
What Happens When The First Thing Is Put First.
Recently, I met a kid in a youth group who had the right parents with the right priorities and great things happened. His parents put their spiritual lives first and partnered with our youth ministry and are eternally grateful for the support. They put, “… First His Kingdom And His Righteousness…” (Matthew 6:33a). They sought God’s Kingdom first and put the spiritual life of their kids ahead of entertainment. They also had a great relationship with me and the team.
This kid, now a young adult, said that anyone who supported us and plugged into our work got really blessed and are doing well. They moved into meaningful careers, good marriages and are walking with the Lord. The others who didn’t or even tried to create strife among us are doing bad. We noticed that the parents who would support us as we supported the kids ended up having kids doing great. Some went into great professions and even others are serving in their church.
When setbacks came in the teen years, the parents turned to God and supported our team and there was a trickle effect of blessings. These kids stayed on the straight and narrow path, the parents avoided the heartache of prodigal children and we felt supported and appreciated with their partnership with us. We get great satisfaction knowing that our work was making an impact and that the young people are being properly discipled with the help of the parents.
Now you gotta appreciate it in the part of the world where I live. Where I live, there is sporadic gang violence with gun shootings happening even in broad daylight and in the public, affluent parts of town. It’s tied into the drug trade here. There is also plenty of promiscuity as well. These were some of the top vices our youth team would pray against and try to protect our youth from.
There were a lot of other prayer requests as well, but we found these to be top vices in our communities. It’s not uncommon for neglected teens, disenfranchised youth to fall prey to gangs who are looking to groom them into the black market. This is a daunting task for parents, and youth leaders to protect against. So hearing stories of how our youth become strong disciples and professionals is most exhilarating. We want to see professionals and not gangsters come out of our groups.
Aloof Fathers.
Another source of frustration are the aloof fathers. If you are lucky they may not have a problem getting the kids to church but leave all the responsibility of discipleship to the church and take no initiative to do so at home. They need to heed the command: “Fathers, Do Not Provoke Your Children To Anger By The Way You Treat Them. Rather, Bring Them Up With The Discipline And Instruction That Comes From The Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4)
Sadly, many fathers neglect this command and spend more time buried in work or entertainment or other activities with little space for instruction and discipline with their young ones. Or again, they are more invested in their kids’ entertainment and prioritized other activities at the expense of the instruction of the LORD. It can leave many youth leaders frustrated.
Blocking The Noise
Another frustration is when opposition comes in the form of destructive criticism from disqualified leaders. If you look at the life of any great man or women of God in the Bible, they were always challenged with opposition. One that stands out is Nehemiah. Sanballat and Tobiah mocked Nehemiah as he built the wall around Jerusalem (Neh 4:1-3) Nehemiah achieved great works of God in finishing the wall and he was commended for it. God delivered them from harsh criticisms. I call it blocking the noise. We experienced quite a bit of that.
I remember getting destructive criticism from a leader who was a self- professed ‘consultant’ but didn’t have the experience, education, or track record to support the advice which he thought was so invaluable. His advice was largely impractical or unreasonable and never served what the youth ministry was about. But I always appreciated that old saying about advice. Have you heard of it? The great thing about advice is that you don’t have to take it. This self-professed ‘consultant’ did a miserable job raising some of his own kids and was clearly disqualified from any form of spiritual leadership consistent with: Titus 1:5-9, 1 Tim. 3:1-7, 1 Peter 5:1-4.
What was frustrating was that he had a miserable track record! He professed to have a burden or calling to reach young people but raised some of his own kids badly. These talented kids eventually fell into wrong vices, ended up getting into bad marriages and having broken families… Initially I thought, “Ya, I’ll listen to this guy and learn what not to do…”
He also didn’t think much of Scripture. This self-professed ‘consultant’ was somehow put as a spiritual leader in his community. He used to mock me for being a “Word” guy. Do you know what that means? He mocked those Christians who love the Word of God and try to live like it and create a firm foundation to withstand any storm (Matthew 7:24-27).
Furthermore, it was discouraging that this self-professed consultant never built his life or family on the firm foundation of the Word of God and reaped a broken family as a result. He used to get so flustered that no one would take his consultancy seriously but it’s hard to take someone like that seriously if their life and doctrine just don’t reflect Christ. I remember attending a youth conference where he was a key speaker and he never mentioned even one bible verse in his session. All he did was talk about himself and share some personal stories that had nothing to do with the theme or purpose of the conference.
I had many people come up to me questioning what his education level was and why he was asked to speak. I didn’t know what to say. This ‘consultant’ later came to me and said he felt very, “ick’ after his session and blamed the conference leaders for asking him to speak. He was given almost two years’ notice with a full description of what the conference was about and had plenty of time to turn down the opportunity but chose not to.
These spiritual ‘consultants’’ can be quite disheartening to youth leaders eager to disciple young people. Their lack of expertise and character are a real detriment. It’s even harder when they hold offices of leadership.
There are many challenges to being a youth leader. These challenges can be better met when parents prioritize the discipleship of their kids and support the work of youth ministries.
Consultants can help youth leaders when their life and doctrine reflect Christ. When this happens, true discipleship can take place, with more ease to youth leaders, and young people will be better prepared to take on the new demands facing society today.
Leave a Comment: