When I was at school, I was bullied and it left a scar in my life. I just came over from India to England and I found it really difficult to stay with anybody. I knew the English language but I could not speak it correctly. I just wanted to have friends and be loved, but people just kept speaking ill about me and hated me. This created such a bitterness and anger inside of me. When I saw people around me who were not bullied, I wanted to be like them.
When I was in Year Nine and Ten, I started smoking cannabis with a group of my male schoolmates. First, they started off by smoking cigarettes. I smoked cigarettes to become like them, to fit into the group and to look like them. I felt like I was part of something and I enjoyed it. People started to notice me. In fact, they feared me and I had made a reputation for myself.
First, I never used to smoke that much, it used to be only once in a while. We were smoking cigarettes and graduated onto cannabis. It became a habit and we smoked regularly when we went out for special occasions or parties. During this time, I even became rebellious at home. My parents used to tell me things that I listened to them. I had become very different! I thought I owned the world. My habits gave me a sense of freedom and nothing else mattered.
I was in fact, empty. My family and my friends were hurting me. I was not in control of the situations in my life – school, education and life!
One day, my dad called me up and told me to come back for Christmas. I told him that I would return after my Christmas party. I went to the party but it was a huge nightmare. My friends used me and abused me. I felt terribly alone and ashamed of myself.
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