There is so much to tell about the person of who I am and the formation factors that shape the story of my soul. There are some parts too dark, too painful and too vulnerable to be written in print. These portions I have confessed to God in intimate conversations and received healing from the Healer. This is an assignment paper I wrote in Bible School in 2000.
Written below in the Spiritual Shape of My Life: A Remembrance are three themes in the story of who I am: sense of powerlessness, salvation and deep love for God focusing on my family and teenage years.
This sacred journey has kept me connected with my past and helped me to interpret the present while praying for the future. I remember many nights after writing, tears welling up and spilling slowly down my face. I wept because I was humbled by the amazing love of God that He has called me to be His very own treasured possession.
My Family
The story of my father Gulzar Singh Sandhu always inspires me. He was a pioneer and a visionary. In the 1920's, as a teenager he left the villages of Punjab, India and went to Malaysia for better life opportunities. With no help from family or friends, he worked, studied and obtained his Cambridge "A" levels certificate whereupon he was hired for the British Government in Malaysia.
In 1929, he moved to Singapore and worked for the Ministry of Environment. His good leadership skills saw him promoted to a Senior Administrative Officer of a large division of Singapore. His keen interest were news, news, and more news - listening to the BBC and reading the daily newspapers from cover to cover. He was also a gifted chess player where he represented the state in competitions. My father was tall, handsome, strong and connected well with people of all groups. In 1939, he married my mother in a traditionally arranged Punjabi marriage seeing her for the first time on the day of the wedding. My mother was a beautiful but uneducated woman who couldn't read or write. My dad really loved my mother despite her shortcomings and made the best of the situation.
Together my parents had 15 children, 8 boys and 7 girls. I was the 13th child of the family. By the grace of God, my parents - my father a secular person and my mum a deeply religious traditional Sikh – named me Pritam Singh — Pritam a Punjabi word meaning `Love' and Singh meaning `lion'. The God of the Bible working through my earthly parents, made special mention of my name and endowed in me His agape Love that matured in my love relationship with the Lover of my soul. From my birth, the call and favor of the Lord was always upon my life.
My Mother And Her Hope In God
In 1964, the year of my birth, my mother said that while I was still in her womb, our family experienced a deep financial crisis. Life was difficult and we had just moved to a suburban area of Singapore. However, it was something in my eyes - a living hope amidst the tumultuous situation that assured her that God was with her even in her pain. I was a sickly child but a child that brought great joy to her.
My family was a typical South Asian Sikh family. My mother was deeply spiritual and besides praying to the Sikh gurus, she would call upon the God of the Universe to help her with her family, the home and the finances. My mum had a conversing relationship with God in her daily prayers and saw everything she did as a worship to God. Those were the tough days of the post-Japanese occupation of Singapore and mum had seen the atrocities, the horror of death and the lean uncertain times. Nevertheless she trusted God for big and small requests.
My mother was the most serene and calm woman I knew. Even with many children, unending chores and lots of daily cares, I never saw her angry. She is the most hardworking homemaker I know and she made it her life policy to bring joy and love to others.
Deceived And Betrayed By Friends
My dad worked hard, saved and bought some land to build a new home and to start a poultry/farming business. The family business was doing well and we had many other dreams. One day some tragic things happened that forever changed our future. Some Chinese businessmen and local gangsters cunningly negotiated and cheated my dad, got him drunk and got him to sign the land title deeds of our land. It was sold for a fraction of the cost and we lost everything – the land, the business and the house. As a family, we never fully know to this day, what really happened because my dad seldom talked about it except what is written here.
My dad was deeply hurt and quiet about this phase of his life. We bought a new but smaller home on leased land and our family restarted again but now we were plagued with financial problems. We would just get by. As the years went along and all of us were growing, money became a major issue. There were tensions for sure, but my mother absorbed it all in love for all of us and to maintain family unity.
Life carried on but the beginning of the autumn and the winter years were setting in on my dad. Ten years before his retirement there were stresses with colleagues, office politics and the learning of new technologies. He became more withdrawn and silent and he hardly talked about personal or family matters but a lot about world politics and the news. Often times, I would see him bored at home, depressed and engaged in news. He would read the whole newspaper from front to back twice daily in the morning and evening. In deep depression, dejection and shattering of a family dream, my dad quietly took to drinking. He did come up with some other business ventures but they failed. Business failures compounded with personal failures was written all over his face.
However, my mum and dad always helped in times of crisis. I remember my dad bringing home injured animals and he would nurse them till they become well. We housed some people who faced difficult situations despite our already big family. My mum always helped, fed and clothed them because she would say that God in turn would help us. God is our helper and deliverer.
Dad And Alcoholism
When I was in my preteen, I was the favorite of my dad and went everywhere he went in place of my mum. I honored this role but felt something was wrong. All the social functions we went for, we were punctual, well dressed and carried on good conversations with everybody. However, my dad drank heavily. By the end of the evening, he would be semi-drank but still be sober enough to take me home.
He had many good friends who were Christians and especially one Mr. Eddy a Chinese Christian man who lived not far from where we lived. Mr. Eddy provided good counsel and friendship to my dad. I was to find out later that Mr. Eddy’s family and other Christians and churches in our neighborhood secretly prayed for us.
Neighbors and friends were sympathetic of my dad’s excessive drinking but looked on powerlessly. My dad needed help for his depression and alcoholism but in the early 70’s, not much was known of this ‘demon’ in the area where we lived and practically no support was offered from anybody in the community. My mum suffered in deep silence.
Youth For Christ And Hope For The Family
The Lord in His mercy did not abandon our family but like a mother eagle, the Lord carried each of us on His wings. The True God of the heavens and the earth heard my mother’s cries and prayers for salvation. The Lord protected all of us with good friends at school and around the neighborhood.
One legacy my dad left was he made all of us in the family memorize proverbs and quotations that he learnt from books, the newspaper and from friends like: “By the sweat of thy brow, thou shall earn thy living”, “Education is the best life investment”, “Man may plan his steps, but God directs his path” and many others. My parents, who were not Christians then, made sure we knew them word for word and quizzed us often on them. Many good friends attracted to us through this exercise of memorization. My dad also made sure that we did well for school exams or at least tried our best.
In-Breaking Of God’s Salvation
In God’s divine blueprint for my family, He led a quiet, simple and prayerful Chinese girl, Ng Poh Sim to my brother Ram Singh’s life. Poh Sim in boldness and trembling invited my brother Ram Singh to a Youth For Christ club meeting held every Fridays after school at the Bukit Panjang Gospel Chapel, a Brethren Church near where we lived.
On his first visit, Ram Singh was full of praise for this visionary group of young Christians who were out to make a positive impact in personal lives, in families, in society and in the world. They did fun things, sang songs and learnt about the God of the bible. They were real and relevant and revolutionary for their generation.
Sincere apologies from now on. I can’t seem to find the rest of this article which was saved from old floppy discs, numerous computers and numerous back up recovery attempts. I will try to look for it and finish this article and many other Bible School assignments. Pray that all will go well. This is my story. Part 1.
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